Too Much…No Such Thing!

Maybe
It’s not really about there being too many options..
or even about having too much choice…
Is there even such a thing?

Maybe
Just Maybe
– It is more to do with not knowing what the f**k you want?

Perhaps we are the options and the choices that we see
Maybe they represent us

Why blame the choices?

Why crucify the options?

Maybe our options and choices are present to teach us what we desire to learn
Maybe we called them into our experience

Do we know what we really want?
Maybe there is no such thing…

Perhaps we do not know what we want,
not because of the options and choices available to us
but because the teaching is in the not knowing

Are you okay with not knowing?

Are you okay with taking steps to find out?

Maybe we get frustrated because finding out what we want requires movement
Movement into the unknown
We cannot keep everybody happy whilst we’re doing that either
We may lose what we have in the process…
But do we want what we have though?

The thing is,
We cannot theorise knowing what we want
What sounds good in theory
…sometimes carries a taste less satisfying in reality

Maybe we need to give ourselves permission to not know 
And then equal permission to
Explore
Experiment
Learn
Grow
Find Out
Choose
And Unchoose

And then when we think we know what we want again,
Just when we think it is all clear,
You
..will remind
You
that you have options and choices
– Again!

“Back to square one!!!”, you say
But perhaps the point is to master yourself at square one
Perhaps the mastery is in understanding that
We
create all of our options and choices in the first place.

And that’s a good thing.  Right?
If we can recognise them as a reflection of growth

Maybe
It’s not really about there being too many options..
or even about having too much choice…
– No such thing!

This is all about you. Me
So let’s live. And live “well”.

To You,
Stay True x

Unintended

Not everything needs to be intentional
Not everything needs to be pre-defined
….pre structured…
You’ll never know who you’ll meet if everything you do is “intended”….
….those pre agendas…
You’ll never know how different encounters, different conversations will touch you. And your life.
We often race towards a “relationship”, missing the beauty of the encounter itself.
Let it be a pleasure to have experienced..
…to have encountered in the first place…..

A Close Encounter With Love

Do not confuse love…
Damn those imitations!

givinbirth2word

(I thought I was speaking with Love…)

Never really wanted to do this
Convinced to take a risk
To believe
You
To trust
Us

Feeling so cheated!
Assured it wouldn’t hurt – But it did
Lies from you to me
Manipulation spree
I let you in
Saw what you told me to see
Gave you everything
Became nothing
For you to betray me?

Still, I know no other
Still, you’re my only
My everything, my lover!
The only one who truly knows me

Never stopped revealing
Myself unclothed
Promised healing
But instead you left me exposed

Why lead me to hope –
Why conceal the real scope –
And then you ask me to cope?
Unwanted outcomes forced down my throat!

You took the dream right out of me
I tread cautiously
Now
Over thinking every step
Not sure where to reconnect

{Love answered and said…)

You’ve poured out your…

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That We May Have Life…(An Easter Wish)

As showers fall on the streets of London this morning, there is a definite sense of relief in the air. No piercing sunshine present, only thick clouds to bring in the day.  Which indeed brings about an obvious different feel to the usual rays of sunshine on an Easter Sunday morning. It’s funny how we can sometimes expect nature to submit to our expectations of what would warrant a “pleasant day”.  With strikes of rain drops decorating my window panes, there seems to be a higher calling to explore and potentially renew what an Easter Day represents for me. Whether rain or shine, I know that this day will be a liberating day.

As I collect my thoughts around the meaning of this season, I am drawn to contemplate the many reasons for our Easter celebrations because over the years, my activities seem to have become somewhat ritualistic.  Knowing of all the appropriate things to do and all of the “religiously righteous” things to say, but somehow losing a sincerity and consciousness throughout.  As I get older, I realise that there is no obligation greater than that to my individual truth; and it is true that each of us hold a connection with our life Source that cannot ever be translated or exchanged. It is what makes me, me, and you, you. This is my truth!

So today I am deciding that instead of rushing into the usual activities of an Easter Sunday, that I will instead honour my true nature. I will take some time to observe how I really feel, where my true passions reside for this season and give thanks for being able to do so. I firstly dissolve the attachment I have held as a believer in Christ for so long, that has kept me feeling as though I have something to prove through traditional ceremonies.  Today, I step away from the collective crowd and see only myself and my Source. For who else was there with us in the beginning?

As I enjoy the angelic hymns being televised from Leicester cathedral, Rome and Jerusalem, I observe the eyes, lips, voices, attire, posture – the outward expressions of each individual sending up their own thanksgiving, their own actions of praise and worship; feeling a sense of awe about the spirit within each one of us that remains hidden to the naked eye. I wonder how free we really feel today? If we truly believe that one life was exchanged for the benefit that so many others could be saved? Do we really think on this beyond an Easter Sunday church service? Beyond the exchange of the statement “Jesus is risen”?

I noticed this year that I had undertaken the same traditional actions for over a decade, almost as though it was just “the right thing to do”. But today, I could not follow suit so easily. Auto pilot becomes much more of challenge when one is becoming more and more awake.

How many of us are sleeping today? How many of us are just “showing up” without being present? I ponder….

Today, I consciously acknowledge the idea that God, our Creator, saw it fit to become flesh; to dwell with us on earth and become a human sacrifice for reasons that will continue to surpass an intellectual understanding.  The more I try to comprehend this, the further away I feel from its true meaning.  But one thing reigns above all else for me today.  When Christ said that he had come so “that we may have life and have it to the fullest”, he was speaking to those not dead, but already alive – those already living. I am reminded today that the routine of life should never take away its authentic scent. That I should remember that I am more than just flesh.  Therefore I should always seek to be conscious about what I choose to do, where I choose to be, about sowing well; about sowing beyond my physical body. Rituals should only ever be a default representation of what lies within – not a compulsive act of providing external evidence of that which you believe.

Jesus’ life will be forever questioned and I seek only to understand the many words and actions he exchanged for our benefit.  I no longer claim to thoroughly understand the many mysteries wrapped up in the life of Jesus but, one thing I do believe is that there was something about him that we needed to see, hear, feel and grow to understand.  Billions of people will pass through this earth but for each one of us, there will only ever be one authentic truth. Funnily enough, there will remain a huge part of that truth unable to be exchanged or translated by the next person.

I believe it matters very little about the hymns we might collectively sing, or the public ceremonies that you may partake in. For me, it matters more increasingly about whether we truly believe in those things.

….Are we still sincere in doing these things or are we becoming slaves to the many practices we adopt?

I feel it matters more that we grow in seeking to nurture the truth within that nobody else can validate or share. The moment a ritual becomes about the seeking of external validation, as opposed to the purity of an internal expression….is probably a moment to be aware of.

Today I am pledging that any rituals present in my life, should never replace my true inner voice. Somehow it would seem a waste of spirit otherwise, and (remember), He came that “we may have life” and “know” life for ourselves. Something so much deeper than taking one breath in, and another one out….

So I ask, are we awake today family? Are we breathing beyond our hearts beat….?

Know you, stay true. My sincere Easter wishes for you…..

xxx

A Love Figured (Just For Me)

I figured once that love existed only outside of me.
That love only existed for the purpose of giving it, showing it, to another.
I hadn’t thought about me.
I figured.
That my ability to love existed only in an external form.
I looked forward to receiving something that I had yet to offer myself.
I hadn’t yet questioned my ability to recognise it though.
(Or how I would ever truly know)
Because, to me
I was a huge giver, a magnificent lover.
People just didn’t know how to receive.
I adorned only the love that was around me.
Independent of me.
Until I realised that a love given will always return to its default position.
The original Source.
I see now.
Whatever love I had given was destined to fail.
Not because love fails.
Because I had failed to love me.
One can only love another, as deeply as they have learned to love themselves.
Now I see.
The me who was loving you, was empty.
I wondered why my love did not last.
But it was because I had yet to start….
A love affair with me!

And what a pleasure it is….

Never Fall In Love

Frustrated that I don’t have it
….but quite turned off by the thought of having it…
Questioning whether I’ve ever had it at all
But perhaps I’m just trying to avoid another fall
– An empty love
– A broken ”us”
Because I loved him
Or at least I thought I did
And it didn’t work out as I planned it
But if love never fails – how come we did!?
I figure I don’t know what I want
So I avoid making a list
Because once that list exists
I may open the door to a trail that consists….
…of disappointment!!

Next time I won’t need to be caught
Because next time, I won’t sell myself so short