You look so good
You sound so good.
You come across so well, so intelligent.
A geek.
I like you.
A strong black woman. Mmm.
I’m a black man that loves his black women

You’re the type of woman that a REAL man would want to make his wife
We’re so compatible, I can tell…
What do you do for yourself?

(He asks, without reading my self explanatory bio or taking the time to scroll through my readily available content on various websites)

If we were together I’d be happy to go shopping with you – most men don’t like that, but I would do this for you…
You seem like a woman who can hold a meaningful conversation – what’s your number?
Are you married?
Do you have any children?
What do you do for fun?
When’s your birthday?
What religion do you practice?
When’s the last time you had sex?
Was it good?
I mean, I’m good in bed….

First of all…
I didn’t catch your name sweetheart?
Slow down, no need to rush…

Second of all..
Good Morning.
Thanks for reaching out.

It’s funny because you seem to have a really interesting script there.
Is this an interview…?

I’m playing with you (but not really)
I mean,
You’ve recognised my surface, my external.
Thank you.
Your words are so kind
But here’s the thing,

…..I’m interested in connection. Not a type of colour of connection, or a type of occupation of connection, or a type of monetary value of connection.

It’s nice that you like black women. But I’m not going to congratulate you for doing so.
I consider myself to be human first, and by the way, my name is Catrina.

You see,
….I’m not interested in gender wars and gender expectations and being won over by what appears to be an acknowledgement of female equality or race equality.
I’m interested in your soul and how it talks and connects to mine.
I’m interested in your moments of silence and how it talks to mine.

You see…..
What you have to understand is, I’m not desperate for your attention or offering and / or intentions of a relationship after 0.5 seconds

You are in a rush to jump into romantic and sexual interactions when you haven’t taken the time to ask me my name.
If your words were a letter, the ink would still be wet…
Your approach is a message in itself. But I digress.

The tick box exercise approach is for those who are still living to pre-defined conditions.
If you are attentive and interested enough, you will feel out what you’d like to know about me or any new interest, without coming across like an interviewer.

It’s a Saturday morning or perhaps you’ve caught me on a Sunday afternoon.
The sky is blue and the sun is out. The type of interaction I’m looking for is one that would offer spontaneity enough to ask me out for breakfast or early lunch.
Or, if you detect my cautiousness, you are able to effortlessly exchange subtle suggestions of communication that make me smile and that have me willingly coming out of my shell. Because we all have shells.

I see your impatience when the messaging gets too inconvenient and drawn out for you. Wherever your effort stops, I’m watching that too.

What you have to understand is, your energy is already on display when you reach out to me. I am already observing how you operate by the questions you ask and how you deal with light touch rejection….because my number is not a public piece of information that becomes yours after 0.5 seconds.

What you will come to know is that I was never going to fall into your arms after one exchange.
I was never going to melt at the sight of your attention.
I was never going to offer you my golden source on the whim of a few compliments.

Understand, that if I so choose to be momentarily pleasured sexually, it will always be on my terms and you will probably never see me again. Call it a vice.
It probably won’t be you either. Chemistry requires familiarity and you are a stranger to my senses.

If you approach somebody like a job description, you’ll be subjected to the position of a candidate.
All of a sudden “your” application is being denied. Whilst all the while, you thought you were the one interviewing me.

Think about it.

Let the first round be your best round.

Love you x

One thought on “First Round

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s