If fear was a man I’d tell him, “You can’t paint me over!”
If betrayal was a friend I’d remind her, “You can’t paint me over!!!”
Simply meaning, “You may want me to be, what “you” want me to be BUT, you can’t paint me over!”

But the question I have is, who am I now, now that fear has had his way with me?
What name do I go by now, now that betrayal has left my heart empty?
Have I changed colour?
Does pain come in shades?
It seems I have lost my identity…..

But the question I have is, how is it possible to lose an identity that was never really defined in the first place?
You know, that part of “you” that you never really questioned…
The part that left when he did; the part that crumbled when she disappeared.

It’s been so long that my fingers are weak, my grip is lazy, my thought translation deplete.

In need of liberation, self-affirmation…why?
Rejection, disappointment, failure, betrayal, fear, the “I told you so” club – they’ve all robbed me of what I didn’t know I had: my identity!

In need of liberation, self affirmation, NAVIGATION.
So that I can find my way back to me.

The journey ahead seems long. The healing, a lifetime; the despair, only but a blink away! Imagine that. Why does the best always feature last?

There was a time that I consumed life, and its beauty consumed me.
Every new smell;
Every new place, person…..
The encounters were blissful.
Now I struggle to encounter with myself.
Because when he left and she left and they fell and things….things failed;
So did I!
Somewhere along the way, I’ve been stripped of what was mine.
Now I have to decide.
Because life is feeling like a football game, that I seem to be observing from the sidelines.
In a state of observation, my role, my identity, I ponder….
But I am sure of one thing –

This paint is not my original colour!!

Written by Catrina Sophia

I keep on meeting myself over and over again. Each time is different. I write for clarity but most times it is when I feel like clarity has been achieved. Most people who encounter me will say that I have a beautiful way with words. I’m inclined to say that words have a beautiful way with me.


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